Everyone's life is hard or easy in comparison to someone else's. If you ever find yourself getting into a pissing contest over who's life is hardest or worst, stop and take a breath. Remember to see through their eyes before helping them see through yours. (article July 20th 2014) Then either step away or understand that everyone's life is harder compared to someone else. We can only judge the feelings we have dealt with ourselves. What is our own tolerance. #Psychology is a study of emotions, reactions, interactions and all other types of variants involving the human minds coping mechanisms. What is easy and tolerable to one person is intolerable and maddening to another or maybe just paralyzing. I once thought I saw eye to eye with a girl I had met. We hit it off pretty quick. There were sparks and potential for serious passion. Then we talked more serious. Now understand we were both young adults. 19,20 somethings. She started on about her hardships and I said "yeah I had"... and she become en-flamed that I has one upped her. I thought I was empathizing. Well let's say it's not a dating success story. I left some 20 minutes later enraged and bitter. I said to myself "HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN?!" I said aloud and confused. "I thought she liked me?!"
When I got home I got back online to the #Toronto Online chat community where I first met her. (this was pre-internet) Well I was on and moments later she came into my room and started flaming me left and right. "You don't know me! Your nothing but a shell of my shit!" and of course I got sucked right in and told her she didn't know shit about my life and how I felt like a rubber ball in my family's life. A prize to be won but not cared about. I signed off and never signed back on again. I've held that experience with me for years and it took me a while to realize that the "PAIN PISSING CONTEST" is not worth while. I never got into it that bad ever again. When I sense it coming I walk away or listen intently with a sympathetic ear and say nothing about my past. A nod and an encouraging "I know" or "uh huh". I realize this is their time to open up. Their moment of #catharsis.
Now when an adult or parental figure does this you REALLY have to relax. You can end up looking at the elder like they snapped a nut. "Aren't I supposed to look to YOU for guidance and sympathy? If your loosing your shit what am I supposed to do? Now the #psychology enters into a deeper bound. They have an addiction that only is marginally recognized by themselves but everyone else is certain. Addictive personalities tend to hold tighter to their moments of happiness like rare coins from the slot machine or the last drop of scotch in the bottle. Better tread lightly. Anything that even markedly seems to be a slight on that rosy red apple can become an angry red boil that only lancing and antibiotics can cure.
To care for or take care of that is the question. Yes it's #semantics but it's the difference between changing a persons life for "independence" or just putting up walls around them that they will just resent you for. Sadly some people have never really had the opportunity to become independent. Some have gotten married early in their lives and never developed a strong sense of self, self worth and basic survival skills. Once more, looking through their eyes helps you to see the issue but not heal it. Especially when nothing short of an intervention will do the job.
Sometimes it's hard to keep perspective and stay the course. Sometimes anger can get the better of you. But you can't let it. Breathe, count to ten, say a mantra or go for a walk around the block. Whatever it takes. DO NOT GET INTO A PISSING CONTEST. You will not get through this way. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let them sit in their own shit. Say nothing for a while till THEY cool off. If you can regain control of you then the best way to help them regain control is stop the talk and walk away. Now you are forcing them to think. This is what I always say to my wife when we are ticked about someone else's behavior with us... "BE THE BETTER PERSON" You can never have regrets when you do what you know is the right thing. (I don't mean "this time I'm gonna kick his ass because its the right thing to do this time") The other person will always know that you did them no wrong and can't say a word against you with a shred validity without looking spiteful. It's kind of like a built in karma. They Blew up, said hurtful things, didn't make dinner, buy a gift, a card or whatever seemed deliberately hurtful. You still kissed them, hugged them, told them positive things, bought a card, made them dinner, bought a gift etc... Family, Friends, co-workers, whomever it is do the right thing anyway. It's a slap but a slap of kindness. Trust me this will almost always cause some introspection and change of behavior. I don't know about you but this feels even better vindication then a beat-down street style and less hospital bills too. (oh yeah and legal fees)
My mantra today friends... When life gives you anything shitty Always be the better person. Do the right thing.
Yours In Clay & Water
Now if only we could get mass moronicy in the mid-east to work this way.
#dotherightthing #bethebetterperson #karma #introspection #psychology #humanbehavior #semantics #addiction #intervention #treatment #catharsis